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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Lend me your ear(phone)s!

Yeah goddamn it. Lend me your earphones. I'll shove them up the right holes.

Your ears deserve something better. Something of the order of Johnson's earbuds, an incense stick's read end or maybe a matchstick(if not the entire matchbox). But please keep those serpents away from those ears.
I sometimes fail to understand why are so many people obsessed with these? Is their conversation so confidential that they afraid being overheard? Or do they really listen to the same songs over and over again on their cellphones or i-pod or tri-pod(whatever)? Do they really have a strong desire to listen to the D grade "Yellow diamond yellow diamond" ads(in between a few interruptions by the RJs) over the FM? Or is it that they can't find something sharper to pull out their earwax? Well in the latter case, I'd prefer them sporting a inch-thick layer of the substance than to have a pair of eerie, creepy wires up their holes.

Lending me your earphones would save you from the torture of untangling them every morning before stabbing them inside the hapless cellphone, and the excruciating trauma you suffer when one of the brothers decides that its screwed you enough and pulls out for fresh air. You can be rest assured that lending me your earphones would make you at least 10% more learned and 22.75% more attentive and observant. It'll enhance your hearing capabilities by another 11.02% and lower the pitch of your voice by a humongous 35%. The lifetime of your cellphone would increase by a modest 5% while its battery backup would show a significant increase of 24.898%. *

So my dear misguided souls! What're you waiting for? Come forward(or just stay where you are) and donate your earphones. Even a small help, something of the order of one of the brothers, or even half of it, would be a giant step for earkind.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!! Please lend me your earphones and I'll ensure that i shove them up the right holes, which i must clarify, aren't located at the side of your heads.


*The territorial waters of India extend to a distance of 12 nautical miles...oops, wrong clarification.