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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Karma! You bitch!!

Karma is a cliche, a fad and a bitch. Its something that happens unintentionally when you are doing something, and its something that ceases to exist, that contradicts its definitions, that violates its thresholds when you try to do it explicitly. No enlightened soul dares to define karma, because in the process of doing so, he isn't doing Karma, which is imperative to enlightenment. Sooner or later one realizes that not only its definition, but everything related to karma is not related to it.
Whim is the big daddy of karma. Whenever I've made hasty decisions, left it to the eleventh hour, procrastinated it almost to the point of no return, I've observed that I've invariably tasted success. The converse has seldom been true. Planning for the minutest of details, preparing till the eleventh hour and starting way before the schedule has seldom took me across the line or above the bar. The last New Year's resolution I took was way back in 2006, the last time I promised to myself that I'll study harder to come first this year was way back in the second semester, the last time I started preparing for the sessionals was almost two semesters ago!
When I tried it, my results did not deteriorate In fact they, as expected, soared . I never came first, nor have I wanted to. College is no school where you get brownie points for topping the class. College is different, you can't do shit with your first rank. The toppers are always stereotyped and marginalized as outcast and looked down upon. I've seen these toppers, do really cheap things for the smallest of increments in their marks. Everytime this happens, I ask myself," Vikas, are you better than this, and are you better than these". The answer, every time is an overwhelming YES! Deep within, there's still that belief(and lifeline) that I'm the best I've seen and I'm the best there is. No academic result(or otherwise) can dampen this belief. No academic result(or otherwise) is needed to reinforce it. It's what it is, its what it's always been and it's what it'll always be. It's depression-resistant, stress-proof and failure-absorbent. Its implicit, innate and immortal, just like karma, the cliche, the fad, the bitch.
Whenever I underestimated my opponents, I emerged on top. Whenever I respected their skill, their talent, their poise, I was steamrolled. Whenever I played to win the medal, I triumphed. Whenever I played to give my best, I faltered. With each success, this eccentric theory grew stronger till the point it became an axiom, a heuristic; a thumb rule.
In retrospection, I've realized that karma is all I did whenever I did not crave to do it. By respecting my opponents and trying to give my best I was not doing what I do best. I was trying harder than I needed to. I was striving for chivalry, which I thought would redirect me to Karma. It didn't. It never does. It never will. All I learned was that there was no indirect route to Karma. Infact direct or indirect, there's absolutely no route to Karma. Karma finds you. Its there, lurking somewhere obscured from your eyesight. The more you try to see it, the more obscured it becomes. Treat it like your master, your caliph, your prince and it'll throw its tantrums. Treat it like a bitch, don't give a damn, do what you do best, it'll wag its tail and will come looking for you and do what it does best; lick your feet.
Karma! You bitch!!!

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