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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Types of people you might bump on in the Delhi Metro

Owing and bowing to popular demands, I've come up with the list of the kind of people you and I come across in the metro. Here's the dream list-
a)The bloody "Indians": They are essentially out of place physics students who do their experiments at the wrong place, and at the wrong time. They don't believe in the concept of queues. Stack is the only data structures that they respect. They want to be at the top of the stack, always. Before the metro comes, they choose a particular door that they want to enter from. They follow that door like my young cousin brother follows candies. They apply geometry and place themselves exactly at the mid point between the edges of the doors. The moment the doors part, they leap, they jostle, they push, they pull, they run, they grab and they exhale only if their rearside has found a nice little couch to rest on; thereby performing various experiments of gravity, friction, force, motion and work, all in one go! Physics at its very best, desi style!
b)The sentries: There was a time when "being cornered" was supposed to occur more by chance than by choice. But the tragedy is that the last sentence was written in Simple Past tense. The sentries, whether they're inside or outside the metro, are always on the look out for the slightest of opportunities to place themselves strategically between the door handle and the metal-cum-glass frame of the seats. That cow's corner is their utopia, their shangri-la.
c)The pole dancers: Yeah! The pole dancers are exactly like the sentries. However their bliss, their seventh-heaven are the seven foot poles, which are supposed to deal with finger prints rather than body odour. The pole dancers set their bodies up such that the pole runs right from their right ears till the ankle which is (inexplicably) twisted so as to hug the base of the pole. The metro's earth-quakes provide the sufficient external force for the pole dance to be feasible.
d)The early risers: They make their intentions very clear and leave no scope for a last minute panic. They vacate their seats a couple of stations prior to their destination and enhance the population-density near the doors.
e)The chokers: The exact opposite of the above. They wait for the doors to open for what seems like a very long time and make a move when it's about to equilibrium again.(P.S: not to be confused with the extreme south african form of choking where the person is so late that he gets stuck in between the doors every time he's in a hurry)
e)The middle-men: These people earmark a particular spot on the platform from where they always board the train. Then they backstroke against the de-boarding public, breast-stroke over their trailing luggage, butterfly over their dangling feet and freestyle over fellow train-boarders to reach "that" elusive spot between the two compartments. Their aim is to a) be a baby once again, and relive those rocking cradle days and b) They want to showcase their conquest of Newton's first law by standing at the most seismically active spot in the train.
f)The lookout boys: They always board via the first door of the second compartment so that they always face the first compartment(for obvious reasons) while inside the train.
g)The Gajodhars, Mahadevs and the Ramavatars: They board in groups of at least 5 each with each carrying luggage weighing more than each of of their weights put together and occupying more volume than an inert gas occupies in vacuum. They manage to find very interesting places to keep their luggage which includes(but is not limited to) the area midway between the mid point of the doors and the pole right opposite to it or the feet of the pole dancers, the early risers and in rare cases, the bloody Indians too.
h)The plug-ins: The merry men and women who give absolutely no damn to what's happening (to and) around them. Their ears are stuffed with tentacles that originate in their cellphones. Their eyes are focused on the 3 inch screen and they let their thumbs do all the talking.
i)The onlookers: The weirdos who have no other job but to looks at what others are upto. These are the those who stereotype the rest of their fellow travellers and then pass comments on them. On reaching home, they login to their blog account and paste everything that they've seen on it.
Wonder who I'm talking about?

4 comments:

  1. U missed a category: who travel in Metro as if they own Metro ;)

    Idea for next blog post: How Metro(esp BlueLine) gives excuse to reach late at work/college. (even to hostlers of our college :P)

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  2. damn interesting !!
    liked it a lot.. You know what.. even I am crazy bout the delhi metro !!
    Its my favourite time pass to observe ppl travelling in the metro.. I had myself written two blogs based on delhi metro !

    http://soniabhatia.blogspot.com/2010/11/life-in-metro-part-2.html

    and http://soniabhatia.blogspot.com/2010/02/life-in-metro.html

    hope u like them !
    P.S. I like your blog ! Keep writing !

    ReplyDelete