Monday, March 28, 2011

Types of people you might bump on @ facebook

1) The leach: He googles for a famous quote site, navigates to the last pages in order to avoid plagiarism rants, copies the second last quote from the list and pastes this as his FB status. He likes his own status and posts multiple comments on it. After a few days, there are 23 comments and one like on his update. 22 of these 23 are from him and this is the exact number of wall notifications on his friend's FB home page who had the utmost misfortune of commenting on the leach's update.
2) The stammering leach: The leach and the sequence of consecutive full stops, commas and misplaced exclamatory marks make a deadly combination, popularly known as the leach.
3) The flibbertigibbet: The crazy female who does the iota of the iota of her conversations on FB.
4) The games bond: The chap who plays mind jolting games and challenges his innocent friends for a dual. He breaks his own highest score records each week and likes the subsequent notification.
5) The prediction hungry: She feeds on Fortune cookies and shrieks when they're not delivered on time.
6) The capacitor: He feels too lazy to go the market for recharging his balance and tries to find online ways of doing the same. He types expressions like "OMG! It really works" and then gives an obscure link to his virtual shangri-la, thereby providing others the opportunity to become like him by clicking on that link.
7) The tag heuer: He copies random pics from other peoples' profiles, posts them on his and then tags his unsuspecting friends in it. The unluckiest ones, who have the misfortune of a)being his friend and b) being tagged unsolicitedly on inanimate things, bear the agony of a logging in to FB just to see that notification and discovering a square bearing their name superimposed on a donkey going to a college with the world B.Tech/B.Arch/B.Com/B.A stamped on its back.
8) The hi-tec tag heuer: Exactly similar to the above, but someone who uses apps to create these obscure photos rather than manually copying them from somewhere.
9) The diva: The female who changes her profile picture each day and is disappointed when the no. of likes on her new pic fails to reach triple digits, her expected target.
10) The optimistic: The chap who likes everyone's status update hoping that Newton's third law would apply in the virtual world.
11) The chatteratti: The lad who's online 23X7(he hibernates for an hour a day) and looks for potential targets to chat with. He's the reason why the number of friends who're online on FB chat for "that" one hour is unusually high.
12) The narcissist: She clicks tonnes of photos each day, crops out her friends from those and uploads them to an album called "college fun!!" or "fun at blah blah".
13) The hurt locker: He who answers some unknown questions about his friends and wants them to unlock them every time they log in.
14) The perennial frand: He sends friend requests to females who are distinctly related to his own friends typing something like "Cn v b frandz" or "I lyk ure pix".
15) The 'straight'forward: The no nonsense type chap who mentions very very clearly in his profile that his gender is "male" and he's interested in "females". No messing around with him.
16) The perfectionist: The inane female who feels that the minutest of the details of her life deserve to be made public.
17) The video analyst: He hunts for anything and everything on youtube that's fit(or unfit) for posting on FB and uploads it on FB so sooner he finds it.
18) The assignment lady: The lady who believes that Google groups are just not intuitive enough to spread the word on assignment submission and pre-requisites for tomorrow's class.
19) The cryptographers: The rare breed of men who prefer to encode before they transmit so that ordinary people scratch their heads for two minutes on reading the content and conclude that these men are really ultra-intelligent.
20) The opportunist: The perverts who use facebook just for publicity. They write something crap somewhere else and post its notification on FB just to divert the traffic from their wall to their blog.

I lie in the XXth category! Which one do you fit it?


  1. AWesme man so true!!! makes me wonder wat i am!!

  2. Glad to be here. Considering how I stumbled upon your blog(post), your point of being in the XXth category stands justified. (Yes, the link you gave on a TWS post.):P
    Interesting compilation! Though it's actually endless, the list. No wonder I couldn't find for myself one category to fit into (was willing to be called a 'perfectionist', but when I saw the description, had second thoughts :P).
    Or maybe I couldn't admit. :|
    Anyway, you write well!!

  3. @Sugadha
    Glad you liked it. Well there's no water tight compartment between these categories. You can belong to more than one of these. At the same time, as you said, the list is not exhaustive. It might be the case, as yours is, that someone can belong to none of these!