Monday, May 16, 2011

Types of people you might bump on during an exam

Most of you, who've read my previous posts have said that some of them, if not all have had a certain biographical touch to it. Yes! It would be hypocritical if I deny it. Most people write from their own experiences. I'm no different. So I thought, lets leave no scope for guess work this time. Yes, the next few lines that you'll go through(in case you do), have been straight drag-and-drop from the ROM chip of my brain. Lets see who all you can identify. As always, I'll take no name! omerta.

A year has 365 days. For us, engineers, if we count out the two month strong summer vacations, 54 weekends, gazetted, non-gazetted, self-gazetted(read mass-bunk) holidays, we're left with approximately 180 working days an year. Now, on an average, we, at the great university(again, no names, omerta) that we study in, have six subjects each semester which adds up to 12 per year. For each subject, there are two papers per semester. This adds up to 24 papers. Add to it, the eight practically impractical Practicals that we have. So, in toto, there are 32 exams per year. So, effectively that's an exam every sixth day.
To cut the long story short, its easier to understand someone by noticing the way he behaves during an exam, because that is what he does more, as compared to any other thing at college. I've been there, done that. Here are my findings...

i)The tension girl: I suppose Wren and Martin would forgive me for using tension as an adjective rather than as an abstract noun, but I can't really help it. There's no other better way to describe her. She has extremely sensitive ears, and can overhear many a study-related conversation,in parallel, from a good distance. The moment her brain parses a string that doesn't find a match in her records, she becomes restless. She scans the index and the glossary of all the books that she has of this subject. If a match is found, then its well and good, but if it doesn't, the chirping about the new string can be heard from a bird's nest located some hundred feet away.

ii)The tension boy: The tension what??

iii)The hypocrite: He cites ill health, a power failure, a lightning strike or a crow bite as the reason for him apparently being unable to study for the paper last night, or any other day prior to the exam. He keeps his cards close to his chest while the tension girl is spreading doubts in the minds of others, and secretly repeats the answer to the question being discussed, albeit only to himself.

iv) The cool dude: Most boys would like to call themselves so, but only an elite few make the cut. The day before the exam, the cool dude gets up at 11am, after snoozing around with his alarm for four hours, hangs out with his friends till the evening, watches a movie till dinner and finally decides to inquire about the syllabus and in some cases, the subject, for the next days paper. He calls up the hypocrite who's finished his seventeenth revision by then, and is assured that the guy at the other end hasn't started off with the syllabus as well. With a sense of belonging, and relief, he opens to book, only to encounter some raw material for a Crocin. Has it, and then goes to bed.

v) The practical-kind-of-guy: Exams and he don't see eye to eye. He criticises the system, mocks the subject, ridicules the question-setters and lampoons his compatriots. He allegedly runs after knowledge, and not marks, seeks practical exposure, desires real-world epitomes and pretends to read between the lines. Ironically, even the practical exams don't seem to get the best out of him.

vi) The know-it-all-girls: Yes. These are girls, and are plural. By the time the exams starts, they know the number of paragraphs, lines, words, punctuations, letters and even the syllables in the answer to each question which has the as remote a possibility of appearing in the question paper as you have of reading this line. They attract a lot of attention prior to the exam, much to the amusement of the cool dude and disgust of the practical-kind-of-guy.

vii) The 'chit'ter-cocks: These are the people because of whom microscopes are still not extinct. They tear of pages from their vacant class registers, and scribble anything and everything that they feel might appear in the exam in the minutest of manuscripts that mankind has ever seen. Then they find novel places in their wardrobe to store these; up their sleeves, up their socks, the front pocket, the side pocket, the inner pocket and the under pocket. They have a master chit as cache memory which contains a table making a many-to-one mapping between the set of chits to the location where they are stored in the wardrobe.

viii)The benchmarkers: These are the environment conscious chitter cocks who prefer to scribble on their desks rather than wasting paper.

ix) The tatoo-ed girl: She's more enlightened than the benchmarkers and knows that the benches, too are made up of wood, like paper. Hence, she prefers to do her graffiti on her palms and under her sleeves than on those obscure inanimate objects.

x)The underdog: He goes to the examination thinking that because he hasn't studied much, all the marks he gets would be a bonus. But as is the case in these times of recession, bonuses are few...and far between.

xi) The irony: He comes out of the examination hall saying that the paper was too hot to handle and it would be an irony if he manages to secure passing marks. The real irony is that he passes, that too with flying colours.

xii) The observant: Staring baldly at and trying to comprehend the question papers isn't his cup of tea. He passes his time by gazing at the young invigilator, gawking at the girl sitting in the adjacent row or even staring at the four walls of the exam hall.

xiii) The filler: The unusual species who fill six pages of the answer sheet when they know the answer, and ten pages, when they don't.

xiv)The cadgers: The beggars who've interpreted the adage "time is money" literally.

xv) The toppers: ***java.lang.NullPointerException;lack of domain knowledge***


  1. again i drop in to add another specimen :
    The wiki chaps : These are the kind of people(well there are a few) who consider(??) themselves technically sound enough to raise the bar a little above The 'chit'ter-cocksThe n the benchmarkers,as they utilize the full worth of their monthly data plans putting in a rugged cellular device within reach with a sole moto in their mind "GOOGLE is our friend"...!! ;)

  2. Nice .
    But you forgot one type-

    The Procrastinators - Who leave it till the end of the exam to darken all the circles.And do it, only to summon the temper of invigilator ,after the bell has done its job :)