Friday, December 23, 2011

Things women always wanted to ask about cricket!

Why should men always gawk at things like a long leg or a fine leg? 

Why should men be allowed to raise a point or a cover-point or a backward point or even a silly point?

Why should men show off their safety pads?

Why are they allowed to have four or even five slips. These are three or four slip ups too many!

Why should there be six and not seven balls in an over?

Why do they always think that they can cut, pull and....and drive better than them.

Why are men allowed to apply their saliva, sweat and what not on the ball? Isn't that supposed to be disgusting?

What are good bouncers and hookers doing on the cricket field? Shouldn't they be at a pub or a brothel or something?

Why should those two blokes wearing those big white hats be allowed to watch the game from the centre, while the other fifty-thousand slug it out in the stands?

Why should the men need to run when there are boundaries to be had all around them?

Why do men need to run from all the way back when they always have to bowl from the same point? Can't they just stand there and throw?

Why do some men bat right handed and the others left handed? Shouldn't there be any consistency?

Why should they show the replay of the same shot again and again? People can very well see it the first time.

Why do they play in coloured clothes when they play for a day, and in all whites when they play for 4 or 5? And why do the coloured clothing not bear the name of the player?

If Harbhajan bowls the doosra, who bowls the pehla? Wasn't Flipper the name of a dolphin in an Elijah Wood movie? Why do they bowl the wrong-uns, why can't men ever be right? And what on earth are these carrom balls, and what are they doing in cricket?

Why do men need to talk openly about their encounter with swingers? And what are these in-swingers and out swingers?

Why is there only one man-of-the-match? What are the rest?

Why isn't stand and deliver declared a myth? Deliveries are awfully painful, even when you're on all-fours.

Why don't they have an under the wicket option along with over the wicket and around the wicket?

What is this natural game, and how is it played?

Why does this World Cup happen every 5 years?

and finally...

Do they never get a nature's call while batting? And if yes, how do they attend to it?

Friday, December 9, 2011

19 of the best!

You might well have read numerous responses, feedbacks and tweets regarding Virender Sehwag's super-human effort at the Holkar against a hapless West Indian side. But there were some which went totally unnoticed and off the record. Here's the top 19 of them...

1) Gautam Gambhir: No wonder he ran me out! Had I remained unbeaten, I'd have had one against my name too. I mean too against my name two. I mean two against my name too.

2) Suresh Raina: No wonder he ran me out! Had I remained unbeaten, I'd have had one against my name too. I mean too against my name two. I mean two against my name too.

3) MS Dhoni: Yeah! Of course. Yeah? Of course. Yeah???? 

4) VVS Laxman: What? Didn't the West Indians go back home after the test series?

5) Darren Sammy: We created our chances, I almost had (him) on 170. He was hitting everything out of the park, so the ball hit towards me took me by surprise! And my diving effort went in vain.

6) Kieron Pollard: I've to learn a lot from him. How to play the square cut. How to play the on-drive. How to play the leg-glance. How to last for more than five balls in each match.

7) Andrew Symonds: He's the most precocious talent to have come out of India. [There's a wail behind his back] Of course after Sunny Leone!

8) Anna Hazare: Every corrupt bureaucrat must be made to bowl to Sehwag on one of these Madhya Pradesh wickets. I commend Shivraj Singh Chauhan for asking his curators to prepare such pitches.

9) Kate Middleton: Oops! I married the wrong bald man!

10) Arun Kumar Gupta (Joint MD, KRBL exporters): We've decided to appoint Viru's mother Krishna Sehwag as the brand ambassador of our brand 'India Gate Basmati Rice'. We've been the heart of the kheer that's made Sehwag who he is today. This deal will strengthen the bond.

11) Greg Chappel: Of course it's my 'Mission 2007' masterstroke taking effect 4 years later! You know these delays that happen in third-world countries!

12) Saurav Ganguly: You may forget the day. You may forget the man. You may even forget how he made you feel...But you'll never forget that someone who brought this guy in the team.

13) Rahul Gandhi: Well played! Although I don't think he should call himself a 32 year old 'old man'. I'm 42 myself and still have cerelac for breakfast.. Yummy!!

14) Ravi Shastri: In the presentation party tonight, we have Mr...

15) Shahid Afridi: Viru has tried to copy me all his life. Even today, after scoring the double-ton, he retired for the second innings... after prolonging his stay at the crease, he still needs to learn how to prolong his retirement.

16) Mohammad Yousuf: I agree with the latter half of Shahid bhai's statement.

17) Younis Khan: Same here.

18) Bhupinder Singh Hudda: Najafgarh is an integral part of Haryana. I've written to the PM to either give it fully to us, or make it a union territory a la Chandigarh.

19) Shiela Dixit: @Bhupinder Singh Hudda: I strongly disagree...