Friday, August 24, 2012

The K Files: Jargon

Every place has its jargon. Every jargon has its denotation. Every denotation implies a certain connotation.
Over the course of the past two months (the latter of which seems to have gone past quicker than the former) I've learned a lot of new phrases and quite a few words. Below is an attempt to capture a few of the few.

1) Gas: Yes, it's the third state of matter. However, gas refers to any monologue which neither has any substance (read solid), nor the traces of a substance (read liquid) to it.
Essentially, I have spent the past four years of my life gassing around in my answer sheets.

2) Leverage: Even the Lever brothers wouldn't be able to tell you the correct usage of arguably the most abused word at B-Schools. As a heuristic (which by the way is another abused word), one can use the word leverage whenever 
a) one wants use the profit made on oranges to sell apples
b) one wakes up to find himself at a seminar and the speaker talks something which contains the word 'brand'
c) In any situation apart from the ones mentioned

3) Fascism: A Fascist, pronounced as 'f-sh-is-t', is the last thing anyone should become and the first thing everyone becomes after passing out of a B-School. A Fascist is right-winged, sexist, chauvinistic, sadistic and short, you.

4) Prof: Prof is the pseudonym under which Professors operate at B-Schools. A typical Prof is a typical martinet: authoritarian and rigid. Atypical Profs are knowledgeable, approachable, friendly... and in majority. 

5) Loki: A mythical place on the intranet where heaven dwellers dump their waste which others find useful. 

6) CCCCC, PPPP: The 5C's and 4 P's of marketing, respectively. The 5 C's are seldom used. The 4P's are seldom not used and frequently abused. 

7) PlaceCom: The portmanteau of Placement Committee, PlaceCom is the only student body on campus that works round the year. You may, however, choose to omit the last three words of the last sentense. 
It is alleged that PlaceCom members also have a life, however, this theory is untested and, as of now, highly disputable.

8) CoCo: Another portmanteau, this time of Course and Coordinator. A CoCo is your once-upon-a-time-friend who broadcasts study material and quiz marks to the entire batch. You may want to contact him to ask specific questions like the  syllabus for tomorrow's test, or blunt ones like the full form of the initials of the course name and err... the full form of the initials of the Prof's name.

9) Mess: Quoting one of our Profs, a mess is called a mess for a reason.

10) DCP: Desperate Class Participation (DCP) is when
a) You speak a lot without making sense and involving lots and lots of repetition 
b) Basically, same as above
c) Technically, same as above 
d) Actually, same as above