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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Oops I did it again!

He was an innocuous old friend on his first foreign trip. France it was. Italy maybe. Not that it matters though. The thing is you can't simply keep posting two photographs a day, seven days a week. I understand his excitement at being able to redeem the services of his passport. I also understand the thrill he would have experienced standing right underneath the chandelier of some museum in Paris, Rome maybe, having read about in it Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code maybe. But then you don't post daily photographs on Facebook unless you are a very pretty girl, any girl maybe, or an original creator of memes.
And so I unsubscribed from him.
Had I been keeping count, he might well have been the 17th 'friend' I would have unsubscribed from in the past month. But then I have better things to do that maintaining counters for such trivial issues. So, for the records sake, I unsubscribed from 10-odd Facebook friends over the past week, he being the last.
It is indeed very difficult to spend half your day on Facebook without pestering others. I presume none of the dwellers of the maddening madhouse does that on purpose. Facebook, however, arms the most innocuous and unsuspecting of people with the most sophisticated of weapons, thereby making them lethal assassins who feast on the precious time of fellow dwellers, which otherwise could've been well spent on stalking the profiles of girls on your roommate's best friend's sister's friend list.
My expatriate friend, though, is perhaps in pretty good company. It was only last week that I made a pretty girl disappear from my news feed. You might say that her was a trivial error, a classic rookie mistake. After all, there're always these people in our friend list who discover these ingenious quotations on Google and happily post them as their 'status' updates. This isn't the bad part. This is the worse part. The worst part is when you discover these people have 30 other friends who, like them, find these 'inspirational quotes', discovered by science-kind in the early 20th century, and by you in the early 21st century, really funny and thought provoking. Well, handling one such friend isn't an issue. But 30 likes for an outdated rotten surrogate thought are 30 likes too many.
And then there was this girl who used to keep things to herself, never meddle in others affairs, never like too many photos, never really comment on too many wall posts... just the way things should be. Then one fine day she discovered these Fortune Cookies and started distributing these to her friends. I couldn't let anyone test my loyalty towards Britannia. I remember mumbling an inchoate apology as the cursor hovered over the unsubscribe button.
I think she was destined to meet this other friend of mine in the spambox of my Facebook account. This was a very special friend. It's almost revolting to feel that he actually possessed wit at some time in time during the years gone by. When I spammed him, I guess it was safe to say that his best days were well behind him. Which rational person would use a hashtag in every sentence of his? #idontknowhypeopleusehashtagsonfacebookinthefirstplace
And finally there was this lad who mistook Facebook for a GPS front end and started posting the tiniest details of his remotest whereabouts. His GPS Log read Cafe Coffee Day at the Bangalore Airport->high tea at the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport->lunch at Nirula's at Indira Gandhi International Airport and Chhole Bahthure at a Rediwala in Khan Market. I sometimes regret unsubscribing from him at the wrong time. I might very well have been able to track the number of times he checked in to his loo at his place in Janak Puri and based on the frequency and duration of his stays, been able to do a prognosis and implicate one of the four locations where he had his meals for the crimes it committed on his digestive system.
Alas, that was not to be. And this, my friends, is the reason why I do not take Hippocratic Oaths.