Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Your Quintessential Travel Companion

If you are slated to go on a holiday in the near future, please do not read any further.

I see you're still reading this. So, you might very well read the rest.

So, fed up by the weather, you decide to go on a trip with your friends. Here's a comprehensive travel advisory

·         Do not spend too much time on planning. Good plans never materialise and bad plans are all you would make.
·         Never think about going by trains. You will never find a vacant seat. 
·         Do not take girls along. You'll needlessly try to be the person you are not. 
·         Do not travel light. You'll end up crawling up to your buddy sleeping beside you at night, for the want of body heat. 
·         Do not be too smart and fix the rendezvous time at quarter to an hour. People would always come at quarter past that hour.
·         Always take along someone who you can make fun of. 
·         Make sure your friends do not take you along for the above reason.
·         Never carry a bottle of water. The sight of water drives away the thirst.
·         Never carry 100 Rupee notes. Swoosh and they are gone.
·         Always travel with someone who carries 100 Rupee notes. 
·         Never take along people who have never been on long road journeys before if you do not want to learn more about peristalsis and reverse-peristalsis. 
·         Never sit in the front seat. You'll miss out on a lot of gossip taking place behind you. 
·         Always take along someone who has an SLR. 
·         Be aware of the guy in the group who tries to come to the center before each click of the camera.
·         Always try to be the guy above. 
·         If you can not Photoshop, always wear dark t-shirts. You do not want your sweaty armpits to ruin your best photographs. 
·         Do not try those silly tricks of appearing to hold the tip of the Taj Mahal or swallowing the sun. Not only are they old, but also they seem ridiculously dumb. 
·         Always ensure that the photographs are uploaded by someone who is popular and has a lot of friends on Facebook. This is an easy and fool-proof way to ensure sufficient likes on the uploads. 
·         Never book the hotels online. What they look is not what you get. And what you get is way costlier than what looks good and what you do not get.
·         Always go to good restaurants. Your group would be conscious of the price and would eat less.
·         You can afford to forget your phone charger. Every second person carries a Samsung these days.
·         If you decide to jump for a ‘I-was-in-the-air-for-a-moment’ pose, make sure your socks complement the colour of your trousers.
·         Do not carry soap bars. You would not need them.
·         Carry paper soaps though. You might need them.

Monday, January 21, 2013

The Facebook Factbook

Do you believe Facebook actions convey subtle messages? If yes, I'd recommend you to go through the rest of the blog. If no, I'd seriously recommend you to go through the rest of your blog.

·         Facebook insult,
o   level 1: Zero likes on your new display picture
o   level 2: A comment on your display picture getting more likes than the picture itself
o   level 3: Zero like and one comment on your display picture, with the comment having likes. 
·         Facebook agony,
o   level 1: A friend request sent yesterday to that-hot-girl still remaining unanswered
o   level 2: A friend request sent last month to that-hot-girl still remaining unanswered
o   level 3: Having to cancel the above request and sending a fresh one
·         Facebook irritation,
o   level 1: A comment such as 'How're you' on your status update
o   level 2: A comment such as 'How're you, Swati' on your status update  
o   level 3: A comment such as 'I'm fine, how're you?' on your status update
·         Facebook shamelessness,
o   level 1: Liking your own status
o   level 2: Being the only one to like the status
o   level 3: Tagging yourself in a comment below and liking the comment
·         Facebook lecherousness,
o   Level 1: Viewing all the 200 photos of that-hot-girl after she accepts your request
o   Level 2: Liking the 199th and 200th photo on the list
o   Level 3: Commenting ‘cute pic’ on the above
·         Facebook embarrassment,
o   Level 1: exponential likes on your pic with your crush
o   Level 2: Comments such as ‘bhabhi mast hai’ on the above
o   Level 3: Comment such as ‘bhabhi mast hai’ on a pic of yours with your sister
·         Facebook desperation,
o   Level 1: Messaging your friends to like your brand new solo photograph
o   Level 2: Needlessly tagging your friends in the photo on trees, clouds, the sun
o   Level 3: Tagging your friends in the only comment below
·         Facebook vanity,
o   Level 1: Cropping out your best friends from the photograph
o   Level 2: Blurring out the faces which cannot be cropped out
o   Level 3: Putting an paragraph of Keat’s ‘A thing of beauty’ in the caption