Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Your Quintessential Travel Companion

If you are slated to go on a holiday in the near future, please do not read any further.

I see you're still reading this. So, you might very well read the rest.

So, fed up by the weather, you decide to go on a trip with your friends. Here's a comprehensive travel advisory

·         Do not spend too much time on planning. Good plans never materialise and bad plans are all you would make.
·         Never think about going by trains. You will never find a vacant seat. 
·         Do not take girls along. You'll needlessly try to be the person you are not. 
·         Do not travel light. You'll end up crawling up to your buddy sleeping beside you at night, for the want of body heat. 
·         Do not be too smart and fix the rendezvous time at quarter to an hour. People would always come at quarter past that hour.
·         Always take along someone who you can make fun of. 
·         Make sure your friends do not take you along for the above reason.
·         Never carry a bottle of water. The sight of water drives away the thirst.
·         Never carry 100 Rupee notes. Swoosh and they are gone.
·         Always travel with someone who carries 100 Rupee notes. 
·         Never take along people who have never been on long road journeys before if you do not want to learn more about peristalsis and reverse-peristalsis. 
·         Never sit in the front seat. You'll miss out on a lot of gossip taking place behind you. 
·         Always take along someone who has an SLR. 
·         Be aware of the guy in the group who tries to come to the center before each click of the camera.
·         Always try to be the guy above. 
·         If you can not Photoshop, always wear dark t-shirts. You do not want your sweaty armpits to ruin your best photographs. 
·         Do not try those silly tricks of appearing to hold the tip of the Taj Mahal or swallowing the sun. Not only are they old, but also they seem ridiculously dumb. 
·         Always ensure that the photographs are uploaded by someone who is popular and has a lot of friends on Facebook. This is an easy and fool-proof way to ensure sufficient likes on the uploads. 
·         Never book the hotels online. What they look is not what you get. And what you get is way costlier than what looks good and what you do not get.
·         Always go to good restaurants. Your group would be conscious of the price and would eat less.
·         You can afford to forget your phone charger. Every second person carries a Samsung these days.
·         If you decide to jump for a ‘I-was-in-the-air-for-a-moment’ pose, make sure your socks complement the colour of your trousers.
·         Do not carry soap bars. You would not need them.
·         Carry paper soaps though. You might need them.