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Friday, March 7, 2014

IIM Kozhikode: The Learning



As our PGP program draws to a close, everyone's been asking each other the same question: what have we learned in the two years here.
So like we do everytime, or at least we think we do everytime, I'll try to break down the question into smaller components. Going term by term, subject by subject. 
Almost two years ago, I penned down a post highlighting my learning from the courses in the first term.
I take it forward from there.

 

Term 2: 

Business Ethics:
(a) Oxymorons
(b) China
Financial Management-I:  
(a) Brealey is the Kotler of Finance, which in turn is the Bible of Marketing
(b) If your calculator fails you in the exam, you fail the exam
Organizational Behaviour- II:
(a) Just as no one knows whether the egg followed the chicken or vice versa, no one really knows whether the organization's culture should follow its strategy or the strategy should follow its culture
(b) The Matrix structure is the one in which an employee reports to two bosses. No, no. Neo reporting to only Morpheus in The Matrix was all wrong.  
Management Accounting-II:
(a) Business Costs and businesses cost
(b) The first three letters of the alphabet stand for Activity Based Costing 
Macro Economics:
(a) In the long run, we're all dead
(b) Shit happens -> A curve moves -> Further Shit happens
Operations Management-I:
(a) Shit happens -> You intervene -> Lesser shit happens
(b) Shit happens -> You don’t intervene -> It stops shitting
Operations Research:
(a) Story of life: objectives, relations and constraints
(b) ‘Dijkastra’s algorithm' is easier done than pronounced
Business Laws:
(a) Oxymorons
(b) Screwing yourself: Sole Proprietorship. Screwing each other: Partnership. Screwing everyone: Public Limited

 

Term 3: 

Strategic Management
(a) There’s more to the word ‘core’ than hardcore and softcore
(b) Starbucks’ coffee” beans cost per cup: Rs. 20
Starbucks’ per cup cost related to proving the experience”: Rs. 30
Confusion charge as to whether their core competency is (i) Coffee (ii) Coffee + Experience (iii) Coffee related experience, or (iv) Experience related to coffee. : Rs. 450
Total charge: Rs. 500
(c) Had Michael Porter written Harry Potter, ‘Diagon All(e)y’ would have been called ‘Diagon Acquire’
Environmental Management
(a) Environment Management is very important
(b) Yes. Very important
(c) Like very, very important
Financial Management-II
(a) That marriage is a Call option while sex is a Put option
(b) No matter how impotent your asset is, don’t worry, you’ll have a Beta
(c) Such is its infatuation with this word that if Finance were a movie, FM-1 would be ‘Risk-iya’ and FM-2 ‘Dedh Risk-iya’
Human Resources Management
(a) While Finance looks at the West and Operations at the East, Human Resources looks at ‘South-West’
Indian Economy
(a) Oxymoron
(b) The bifurcation of Andhra Pradesh means that two Indian states have Self Help Groups now. This is inorganic growth
(c)Serial killers are products of contract killing. Cereal Killers are products of Contract Farming.  
Marketing Management-II
(a) Survey-bhavantu-sukhinah
(b) Bogus Group Discussions
Operations Management-II
(a) HRs lean left, Marketers lean right. Operations guys just Lean
(b) Remember the story of the ants who proactively covered their bricks before the rains arrived? Well, they got rid of their Inventory Just-In-Time! 
(c) If Bihari labourers work for Toyota, they’ll converse in something like: ‘A: Kaizen ho? B: Zukham hai. Naak-Kanban hai’
Business Information System Management
(a) E-R-P…E-R-P…E-R-P
(b) E-R-P…E-R-P…E-R-P
(c) E-R-P…E-R-P…E-R-P

 

Term 4: 

Enterprise Resource Computing
(a) E-R-C…E-R-C…E-R-C
(b) E-R-C…E-R-C…E-R-C
(c) E-R-C…E-R-C…E-R-C
Game Theory
(a) John Nash indeed had A Beautiful Mind
(b) No bank should ever lend money and no borrower should ever return it
Pricing
There are three types of pricing techniques:
(a) Cost plus mark-up: The constipation pills cost us $2 to make. We’ll charge you $4
(b) Competitor Based: Whoa! The competitor charges $ 5. We’ll also charge you $5
(c) Value in use: The pills save you from 3 daily trips to the public toilet worth $2 each. We’ll charge you $6
Ultimately the product fails and shit happens
Sales & Distribution Management
(a) If you’re a salesman, before you close your fly, close the deal
(b) A salesman’s Green Mile is called The Last Mile
(c) The Beer Game isn’t half as interesting as it sounds
Advanced Methods in Marketing Research
(a) An Average person is Mean
(b) No matter how many tools you learn, only mean and standard deviation will be useful
(c) There are lies, damn lies, statistics, fifty feet of crap and then there’s Market Research
International Business
(a) Sympathy as you feel sorry for IIFT people. They study this for the whole two years.

 

Term 5

Financial Reporting & Analysis
(a) While Mathematics moved to Proportions long back, Finance still can’t get over Ratios.
(b) If you’re not Quick enough, Acid-Tests await you
Consumer Behaviour
(a) Producers' hidden motive behind every product is Sex
(b) Marketers' hidden motive behind every advertisement is Sex
(c) Consumers’ hidden motive behind every purchase is Sex
Integrated Marketing Communication
(a) Divided We Fall and United...Breaks Guitars
(b) Writing it as ‘Scorpio by Mahindra’ instead of ‘Mahindra Scorpio’ wasn’t just a drafting error
Product Policy & Brand Management
(a) Look at the Stars…Look how they shine for you
(b) And everything you do, make the Question Mark yellow
(c) Dog came along, and then it barked at you
(d) But let it do anything, as long as the Cow is "Yellow"
Rural Marketing
(a) Contrary to general logic, village people who are poor people are actually rich people
(b) Contrary to general logic, village people who are sad people are actually happy people
Supply Chain Management
(a) IIM-Ahmedabad doesn’t call the Dabbawallas for Fancy Dress Competitions.   
(b) The movie Lunch-Box where a Dabba was delivered by the Dabbawalla to the wrong address can only be made 3.4 times in a million years.

 

Term 6

Retail Management
(a) Traditional Retail is like shit. It’s everywhere.  
(b) Modern Retail boom is like constipation. It threatens but never comes
Strategic Marketing
(a) To gassify a course, add ‘Strategic’ before it
(b) The first rule of any simulation is to understand the rules first
(c) Your life should be open book, not exams
Entrepreneurship and New Ventures
(a) How to keep writing ‘Entreprenuer’ each time and let MS Spellcheck auto-correct it for you
(b) If you don’t get a good job in the final placements, your Plan-B should be a B-Plan
(c) There are Angel Investors and then there are Venture Capitalists
Globalisation and Culture
(a) The Good, the Bad and the USA

7 comments:

  1. When Potter's Forces failed, wonder what other charms worked! :)

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  2. This is some real good shit
    oh wait...:D

    ReplyDelete
  3. Only An IIM product can think like that :D

    ReplyDelete
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